How an Entire Political Camp Turned Into a Self-Help Group With One Mission: “Detox from Bibi.”

There’s an old saying in Israeli politics:
“The Left always wins… in polls taken two minutes before reality.”
And honestly? That’s the most accurate political science you’ll read this decade.

Because today’s Israeli Left isn’t really a political movement.
It’s not even an ideology.
It’s more like a WhatsApp support group with outrage issues.

So let’s take a serious look (well… serious in sex4u terms) at what remains of the Israeli Left in 2025 — besides the obsessive, caffeinated, primal urge to remove Benjamin Netanyahu from anything that has walls, carpets, or public WiFi.

The New Platform: “Everything Will Be Fine… As Long As Bibi Goes Home”

Once upon a time, the Left had a toolbox:
Peace, welfare, equality, Scandinavian fantasies, peace, social justice, and more peace.
Today? Ideas are for weaklings.

The entire platform collapsed into one guiding principle:
If Netanyahu leaves — Israel will magically turn into Switzerland with better weather.

Milk will be cheaper, traffic will vanish, Hamas will open a vegan café chain, and Tel Aviv University will suddenly rediscover Zionism (okay, that last one will never happen).

But hey, who needs policy when you have a political villain to project your insecurities onto?

What Happened to the “Big Ideas”?

“Two States” — Now a Dead App No One Updates

There was a time when every left-wing bumper sticker screamed “Two States!”
Today it’s like an old app on your phone:
Once useful, now freezes, crashes, and nobody wants to delete it because it’s “sentimental.”

Meanwhile, the Palestinians updated their app to rockets from Lebanon and another speech in Gaza.
But sure — keep refreshing.

“Defending Democracy” — But Only When the Right Governs

“Democracy” is now a code word meaning:
“We’re not in power, and we’re upset about it.”

Raise taxes? Threat to democracy.
Lower taxes? Threat to democracy.
There’s a war? Authoritarianism.
There’s no war? Suspicious authoritarianism.

And the moment they finally sit in government?
Magically — the democracy stops dying.
Even Lapid stopped accusing himself of fascism every morning in the mirror.

“Protest Is Sacred” — But Only When They Protest

When the Right protests, it’s “extremism.”
When the Left protests, it’s “the real Israel,”
(or at least the 9% who drink almond milk by choice).

So What Does Remain?

The Default Agenda: Benjamin Netanyahu as a One-Man Political Platform

Most parties have a platform: economy, security, education.
The Left?
“Netanyahu must go.”
That’s it. That’s the tweet.

It’s like opening a restaurant whose whole ideology is:
“We don’t serve hummus. Hummus is evil.”
Okay… but what do you serve?
– No idea. BUT DEFINITELY NOT HUMMUS.

The Israeli Left reinvented itself as the global chapter of “Get Rid of That One Guy Club.”
As though Israel is a tiny moon orbiting one political human.

A Camp That Can’t Look in the Mirror

The problem isn’t just obsession.
The problem is that even when the Left tries not to talk about Netanyahu…
it still ends up talking about Netanyahu.

Economy?
“Lower cost of living?”
— “Remove Bibi.”

Education?
“How do we improve schools?”
— “Remove Bibi.”

Security?
“What do we do about Hezbollah?”
— “Well, obviously: remove Bibi.”

Global warming?
— “Guess.”

And Zionism? Oh, That’s So Out of Style

Here comes the sore spot.
Most of the 2025 Left has quietly retired the word “Zionism.”
Not because they hate Israel — heavens, no —
but because Zionism isn’t chic enough for university seminars in “Post-Colonial Narrative Deconstruction.”

Too many flags.
Too much national pride.
Too much connection to actual Israelis who don’t live on Twitter.

And worst of all:
Zionism implies… responsibility.
Ew.

The Great Promise: “We’ll Take Back the Country”

Take it back from whom?
From the people who voted differently?

This slogan sums up the Left’s existential problem:
It truly believes the “real Israel” is the one that agrees with it.
Everyone else is backwards, primitive, or brainwashed by WhatsApp uncles.

Which is why they keep losing elections and blaming everyone except…
you know…
voters.

At the End of Every Cycle — They Return to Bibi

It doesn’t matter what the issue is — welfare, taxes, Gaza, healthcare —
the conversation always ends where it started:
“Netanyahu is the reason.”

They orbit him with the desperate devotion of a cult that hates its own prophet.

Everyone knows the secret no one on the Left dares admit:
If Netanyahu retired tomorrow, the Israeli Left would implode from boredom and irrelevance.
Suddenly they’d have to produce an actual policy.
Suddenly the media wouldn’t know who to scream at.
And suddenly voters would ask uncomfortable questions like:
“So what exactly do you stand for?”

Terrifying stuff.

So What’s Left of the Left?

Let’s be honest:
Not much.

• Obsession? Yes.
• Identity politics cosplay? Absolutely.
• Bridge selfies? Mandatory.
• A burning desire to live in Sweden? Stronger than ever.
• An ideological hole the size of Tel Aviv? Indeed.

And above all:
A romantic, almost poetic desperation that tomorrow morning Netanyahu will resign and open a falafel stand in Crete.

Conclusion: A Political Movement Going Through Withdrawal

The Israeli Left of 2025 is like an addict trying to detox —
not from a substance, but from the thrill of hating one man.

And as long as Netanyahu is politically alive,
the Left will remain hooked on him like a teenager addicted to a pop star they pretend to dislike.

The good news for the Right?
You don’t need to do much.
They’re scoring own-goals with Olympic precision.

Because when your entire ideology is
“Just not THAT guy,”
you’re not a political camp —
you’re a dysfunctional relationship waiting for closure.