Son in the Paratroopers ๐ช my Heart in my Underwear: A Father’s Confession in a War That Lasts Too Long
When Everyone Talks About Heroes, Some Stay Behind – In Silence
When everyone talks about the heroes on the frontlines,
I think about the ones who stay behind.
Not in Gaza. Not near the tunnels.
Here. At home.
Between a cold cup of coffee and another Telegram update.
This isnโt a story about heroism.
Itโs a story about a father.
A father who doesnโt sleep at night โ not because heโs on a mission,
but because itโs been 24 hours since he last got a message.
My son is a paratrooper.
A combat medic.
A hero.
But heโs also my boy โ
the same one who used to lose a sock five times a week,
and now carries human lives in one hand and over 90 pounds of gear on his back.
And me?
Iโm holding myself together.
Holding my phone close.
And holding on to the silence โ
a silence thatโs been unbearably loud lately.
Every Call Is an Exercise in Suppression
โIโm heading out now, itโll be fine,โ he says.
As if heโs going to the grocery store โ not into Gaza again.
And my heart doesnโt buy it.
It reads between the lines.
Because thereโs a language parents of soldiers learn over time โ
and itโs not taught on the radio.
The Secret Dictionary of a Soldierโs Father
You learn fast to translate:
โCanโt give details but Iโm fineโ = Iโm in Gaza.
โHearing a few noises aroundโ = Tanks and anti-tank fire.
โEverythingโs under controlโ = We just ate tuna after leveling half a street.
โEverythingโs okayโ = Please, pray hard.
And in between, you develop strange new hobbies:
– Refreshing security analystsโ tweets.
– Trying to identify faces under helmets in blurry news photos.
– Reading every line of commentary as if the writer actually knows what heโs talking about.
The Heart, the Nerves, and Everything in Between
Thereโs no way to fully describe it โ that cocktail of anxiety, pride, frustration, and endless wondering:
โWhat on earth is my kid doing right now?โ
The truth is, it never ends.
When the phone rings โ you tense up.
When it doesnโt โ you tense up even more.
And when an unknown number calls, or thereโs an unexpected knock at the door โ
itโs like living inside a slow-motion horror movie that never ends.
You simmer in fear. On low heat. For months.
Life Between Telegram and WhatsApp
When your sonโs a soldier, you suddenly gain new โskillsโ:
Analyzing combat reports.
Studying maps of Khan Younis like youโre planning a route yourself.
Zooming in on helmets and boots in every press photo.
Your son faces tunnels, terrorists, heat, exhaustion, and canned tuna for dinner.
You face guilt.
Longing.
And the ache of not being there for him โ exactly when you wish you could.
Risk Management from the Living Room
Heโs inside. Youโre outside.
Heโs on the ground. Youโre on Telegram.
Tracking updates, reading briefings, whispering prayers that โminor skirmish, no injuriesโ doesnโt include your kid โ the one with the medic bag and 90 pounds on his back.
You imagine him kneeling beside a wounded soldier, hearing screams, tightening a tourniquet, signaling for evacuation.
And you โ youโre just staring at โDeliveredโ on WhatsApp.
No blue checkmarks.
No โDad, Iโm fine.โ
Just silence.
A silence that feels like an alarm.
What Do You Say When He Calls?
The phone rings โ you jump.
You answer calmly, pretending to be in the middle of doing the dishes:
โOh hey, howโs it going, son?โ
And he says, in that dry soldierโs tone:
โIโm fine, routine stuff. We just blew up a few buildings, nothing major.โ
But you hear the fatigue in his voice.
You catch the avoidance.
And you donโt ask.
Because you respect the boundary.
When he hangs up, you sigh โ
not from relief,
but from knowing: thatโs it.
Until the next call.
Not in Uniform, Not in the Field โ But Still in the Battle
Fathers donโt get much attention in this story.
But theyโre there โ
in quiet conversations with themselves,
in the endless news cycles,
in holding the family steady,
and in recognizing that their child has turned from boy to man.
They donโt wave flags or post updates.
Because a father doesnโt need to prove his patriotism โ
he lives it, through his son.
And finally, a sentence never sent, but always whispered in the heart:
โCome back safe, my son.
Iโm here. Always have been.
Even when youโre there.โ
ืืืจืฉืื ืืื ืืงืื ืืช ืืคืืกืืื ืืืืจืื ืื ืื ืืืืื ืฉืืื
